The smartest answer I had

(This post has been censored to keep myself from getting fired )

I was sitting with my neighbor watching the 9 p.m news about the CERN Big Bang (We are mad losers with big brains, lets see if we can destroy the universe) experiment, and contemplating with relief about my Project Launch which was now possible as “Mommy! Look what I made! Its called a tiny black hole” experiment had been postponed.My thoughts were suddenly interrupted by my neighbor when he suddenly asked me “You really think it could have created a black hole ?”

Ah Ha!! Right question to the right person!! Given my extensive knowledge on the subject and to some extent,the questioner’s apparent lack thereof,I decided to deliver a brief but intriguing “Funda Session” about n-dimensional Riemannian geometry and relativistic effects of alpha-hadron collisions, whilst he listened attentively unawares of the widely held belief that all I know about the Black hole is that ‘It sucks!’.But here I was delivering an unfaltering speech about the technicalities of making a black hole and finally finishing it off with a brief note about the racist implications of the experiment and why it is called the ‘Black’ hole and not the ‘White’ hole,drawing analogies with Blackmail and the Blackberry.

Bravo!! I was pretty sure that the guy was dumbfounded and wouldn’t have noticed a single flaw in my expert analysis of the subject.After all, and most modestly, I did have bigger brains than him.(Incidentally,he was a 10 year old kid.)

He looked at me and said – Sir (Read as I should be calling you Uncle but lemme just be diplomatic) ,You big guys work on so much cool stuff !!!

And then he asked me something that sent vocab book words like ‘introspection’ and ’self realization’ spiraling through my head. He asked – “What is it exactly that you do in your big posh offices?”

Bang!! My alter ego was punched out from my body by the question as it tried to look at me from the outside and decide what it was actually that I did.And what did it see? There I was, gazing at a Linux desktop screen as if I was practicing my psychokinesis skills.There was hardly any movement of my body except for my fingers. I saw myself sitting like that for a helluva lot of time and finally getting up to triumphantly announce that I had successfully made a button act like it was a button !!! WOO !!! Getting that done when you are working on a tool like the one I am using  is really some effort. But hey!! but this little guy would never understand the complexities of our framework (That is a logical conclusion as I myself don’t understand it and previous evidence showed that he was not smarter than me to say the least .)

So,there was a problem.The little guy was expecting a “Bang” answer and I didn’t want to disappoint him with a “Psst” answer

So I just said – Hey dude !! We are working on a system called “Con-fusion” in a product development company!!!
(purely fictional with no relation to any real product dead or alive … if my bosses are reading)
Simple line with just one keyword that makes my work look cool

I bet that would make him think of all fancy hi tech stuff with complex machines built on the basis of incomprehensible equations

Pretty much the smartest answer i had given to someone since..I donno, lemme think..probably since the time when i had cracked the abbreviation AAAAAAAAA and had come up with the full form. Now if you are tempted to know what it is… its All American Association Against Acronym And Abbreviation Abuse Anonymous..I hope they never get to know of the MOIs and the LOVs and the TDDs and the DTCs and the ERs and the CRs and the PEOs (well the list could go on).

To be continued…